Proverbs 25:28, A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

I felt an internal pull towards my computer. I felt an internal pull to take all of the messy thoughts that are rambling around in my head and literally get them out.

The messy thoughts can take over your soul if you allow them to. The messy thoughts have a way of taking over and, if left untidied, have a unique way of creating a messy life.

But I am reminded that I though I am an internally messy person sometimes, I am not identified by the mess. And I do not have a messy life for my heart is no longer in darkness and He has made all things new. I am reminded that I am a child of God and He greatly cares for me and my mess.

He cares so much that He spoke loud enough in my heart to correct me… and I heard Him.

God has taken me exponentially farther than I could have ever imagined. He took this broken child and began to rebuild her from the inside out. Not only did lift me from my pit, but He took the time to clean the heavy caked mud from my dirty feet.

But there are moments when I still feel messy inside. Of this I have been writing about often. Here in this ministry, we believe that doing life together is the greatest asset we have in living authentically and pressing into God. We believe that it is tough to hold onto Jesus in a culture of distraction and moment-by-moment faith is sometimes necessary. And there is great grace for that for He is a great God.

I have been purposefully travelling the path He set me on. I have been waltzing through walls and barriers by His very hand. Though the work has been overwhelming, I have not been overwhelmed. But as of late, I have hit a few walls. So, when I hit another wall this morning, the vibration lingered long after the initial thud.

“Jesus, what are you doing?”

I think it is a fair question to ask when your internal ramblings- your messiness- is threatening to consume your thoughts. I think Jesus already knows when we will ask, and why we ask, said question. And I think that sometimes He is quiet with the answers in order to protect us, not hurt us.

And, so, I am once again confronted with the rewind reel. He only needed to go back twenty-four hours to when He spoke and I was paying attention:

Yes, you’re messy. Yes, you’re working out your faith. But you need to finish the sentence to all those who are listening. I am messy… but I am healing.

I have already healed from so much. I have grown and stretched and grown some more. What more do I have to heal from? I know my faith is deep… but apparently deeper I must go. Deeper we all must go for the healing is a life-long process. The tips of the arrows sting when they pierce our flesh causing tenderness to flood the surface. The swiftness of the healing determines the severity of the scar.

And then, in the bowing of my head and the submission of my soul, He showed me the arrow and my failing to dodge it when it was thrown. In the messiness of my day I had sloppily put on my armour.

Behold, dear child of God, the miracles in the messiness: when pressing into Jesus, He is pressing right back into you. And this pressing has great purpose. It is smoothing out the wrinkles, softening the edges, and continually healing the condition of your heart. This is a life-long process, always preparing us for the next step He desires us to take forward. Sometimes we squat, perhaps stepping back a few steps, but His desire is for us to step forward. To make a step in the right direction.

Father, help us to see the arrows as they barrel before us. Show us how to dodge them and move out of the way. In the moving, in the dance, we know that the steps are not chaotic but setting us forward in the direction we are called to go. Though we may hit walls, you will guide us around them or have us press into them in order to tumble them down.

And help us to pay attention and hear you when you’re yelling “Duck and cover!”. Amen.

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